Happy New Year!

 

Brad has been in Afghanistan for 11 days now. Really, is that it? That was the question I asked myself when I glanced at the calendar a few minutes ago. It already seems like he has been there for a month! I'm a little confused about how I feel about the time. Sometimes I feel like time will surely pass quickly because I have so much to do. Sometimes I feel like time will just stand still because I miss Brad so much. Sometimes I feel like time will pass by too quickly because my babies are just getting older by the minute. My prayer is for each day to be filled with love, happy memories, and good health.

The kids and I took Brad to the airport on Dec. 16, 2010. So, he has been gone for more than 11 days, but DAY 1 of 179 days did not begin until he arrived in Kandahar. Those last couple of days at home were great, but we were once again in a tug of war with time. We were trying to hold on to every minute, every second we had together as a family. We took a trip out on the boat, we fried up the fish Brad caught, we played board games, we took walks, and we played with the kids. Standing there in the airport with our uniformed love one was a moment I won't soon forget. Seeing Brad so sad hurt so badly. Jayce held on to his Daddy, Lakyn kept looking into HER daddy's eyes wondering what was going on, and Conley held onto me and looked around at all the eyes watching. We watched Brad walk away with his pack on his back. He turned around once and waved a sad wave. I knelted down and held the kids tightly as I watched Brad's uniform go from Air Force tiger camo to just a blur of gray. Lakyn looked down at me with a sadness in her eyes I had never seen before until today. We had a group hug while I prepared myself mentally to get up, place my 17 month old baby on my hip, take my 3 year old daughter by the hand, and nudge my 8 year old along and walk away.

The next few days were quite a blur. The kids and I traveled halfway to Arkansas. We stopped and spent the night in Waco, Texas. The highlight of the night was swimming in the hot tub. I heard my babies giggling and happy for the first time since we had left the airport. We talked to Brad several times over the next several days. It took him about 5 days to get into Afghanistan. I was surprised at how scared I felt when he finally got there. I was relieved to know he had a safe trip, but now I knew he was no longer in a safe area. For 2 days, we didn't hear from him. Those were the longest 2 days of my life. Once he got settled, we tried to skype with zero luck. On Christmas day, we finally saw his face for the first time in days. I could not have asked the dear Lord for a better Christmas gift than to see his face, hear his voice, and the delight on the kids' faces as their Daddy spoke to us.

Our trip to Arkansas was good for us especially the kids. The timing could not have been better. The grandparents fussed over them, the cousins ran around and squealed with them, and being home without Daddy was not a thought. I, on the other hand, thought about it several times. After 14 days of being away, it was time to return home without Brad. The kids and I were really homesick at this point. Maybe, being home would make us feel a little closer to Daddy. After we got home, we all felt better and worse. It felt good to be home, but it would feel even better if Daddy were here with us. I figure that mindset will stay with me all of these 6 months. We will have fun, we will play games, we will go on trips, we will go to church, we will attend birthday parties, we will go on with our lives, but it would all be better if Daddy could be here. God could have closed the door and kept Brad at home. Nope, God kept that door open and Brad is where he is supposed to be at this point in time.

Brad is doing well. He works long hours which keeps him busy. He lives in a 8X20 metal pod. He says it looks like one of those pods folks use for storage. The pods are stacked on top of each other 2 pods high. He shares his room with another officer. Believe it or not, he has Internet in his room at his expense. He is assigned to the rear corner of the pod where he has a bunk and a wall locker. He says everything is so dusty, so he puts all his things away including his computer each time he finishes using it. Everywhere he needs to go is within walking distance such as work, the shower, chow, and such. He was quite worried about eating the food there, but it turns out he can stomach it even though it isn't what he wants. A typical breakfast includes dry toast and boiled eggs. On New Year's eve, he was able to get a hamburger and some ice cream. Wow! He says he is sleeping well on the pillowcase I had made for him. I had a picture of our family copied onto the front of the pillowcase. He says he thinks time is clicking along pretty well since he is so busy. He doesn't have much spare time. In the spare time he does have, he emails or calls us, reads, or watches movies on his computer. The number one question I get is "What does he do over there?" He is an Air Force JAG, so he does the same thing there that he does here.

We feared Lakyn would have the hardest time with Brad being away not that we aren't watchful of the other children. Jayce is old enough to see Afghanistan on a map, talk to his friends who also have daddies there, and ask questions. Conley is really too young to really know what is going on. He knows Daddy isn't here and has called him out by name several times. Lakyn's hardest time seems to be bedtime. This is normally her special time with Daddy. She has a Daddy doll which seems to help. Brad plans to video himself reading a few books. So, I think bedtime will be better for her once she gets the videos. She is still super shy with the phone and the computer. I'm hoping she will warm up a little more and begin talking to her Daddy for her sake and for his, too. Overall, I think the kids are doing quite well, but it has only been a couple of weeks, too. One day at a time.

We have lots to look forward to this year. Lakyn will turn 4 in about a month, I will plan something fun for spring break, Jayce will wrap up 2nd grade, and Brad will come home. For now, we focus on the positive, make these 6 months productive, know tomorrow is not promised, and live our lives the best we can according to God's will. I pray for a year full of hope, full of good health, and full of happiness for us, all our family and all our friends!